Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually evolving or it’s more like I’m simply going crazy. As earlier described, this madman’s journey is not even down a tunnel, but rather trying to dig a tunnel from which one hasn’t the slightest idea whether in the end there would be light.

In the past months, I have been growing (at least I’d like to believe it as growing), at a pace beyond human comprehension. It’s almost likened to the movies, the dramatic play of one crazy adventure to discover, if not determine fate and destiny.

There are times I simply disconnect from the rest of reality, just to take some time to consolidate the overwhelming thoughts that have gathered as a residue of this fervent pursuit to triumph over the arch-enemy of evolution – Randomness.

As the bigger patterns and concepts unveil themselves, it is often discouraging to find that one is not equipped “physically” with the faculties to perceive these grand plans. It is like someone tells you of a concept, an architectural scheme, but you are blind. You can hear all about it, but will never be able to imagine the shapes and structure it would take after.

Then again, perhaps light is more a curse than a gift. In the absence of light (assuming light as we know can only travel in a straight line), in the world where sound was the predominant medium of perception, we would actually be able to perceive from all directions, rather than only from one. I would very much like to try that, but it requires the insurmountable task of first forgetting everything that I have perceived in the light of light.

Well at least I can start t understand why we are such a messy race, and that everything we have created, down to the most powerful computers, function only on points (pixels maybe). Our minds have either been trained, or mal-equipped with the habit of seeing (our predominant sensory), resulting in us neglecting the other tools of perception we were born with.

To fully realize our potential (brain potential so I don’t sound too alien), we have to learn to use the senses, first independently, perfect them, then use them again in a collective manner. I believe the perception and reality thereafter would change (more accurately evolve), beyond the current possibilities.

I really hope I do not go crazy before that. It’s tough trying to keep a sane, no-destructive mind while trudging through the likes of hell.