Balloony deflated again, so I’m left to sit through the night with my new book on I-TOE (Expanded into Integral Theory of Everything). Somehow fate has a way of putting new purpose into my life every time I hit a seemingly dead end, and this is both comforting and disturbing.

Though I have barely started on the book, I am beginning to understand the sheer insanity of actually trying to conceptualize a genuine TOE. In fact, perhaps theory alone is not enough, but rather, we need an infallible law that governs everything, and not a theory that leaves room for error and future problems.

I have also come to realize this is almost precisely the root of my lifelong ambitions. Being the control-freak of a Scorpio, perhaps it is in my very blood to achieve the pinnacle of control. A pinnacle I have tried by means of enterprise, the military, spiritual studies and meditation, shit loads of reading and in the end, here I am, finally arriving at the last stone of the steps.

The pinnacle of control is the absolute eradication of randomness, which can be achieved only by discovering that one law that governs everything. While no human soul has gone even close to sniffing out the possible existence of such a law, we can probably agree that the law would need to adhere to certain pre-requisites for it to be deemed the LOE.

1) Eradicating Random Phenomena

A law that understands and governs everything should eradicate all randomness, and have them translated into calculated possibilities. I would even go further to say that it should, being all encompassing, eradicate the possibility of future randomness (this is the almost impossible part).

2) Looping Cause and Effect

While most scientists would argue that an absolute TOE should be the end of cause of everything else, and in the mapping of the equation not re-create itself, I beg to differ. I believe a complete TOE should take into account both ends of the equals sign, and not be just an expression. A spiral would be insufficient, neither would a mobius strip. Nevertheless, it should be looping because we have to account for “eternity”. This is not time-based, by the way.

3) Observable and Applicable in a Singular Fashion

A law would be useless if we would need observers at every end of the universe to watch over everything in order to accurate predict something. The law must therefore, be simple enough to include, generically, only few variables into it string of calculations to process the future possibility.

This seemingly inconsequential pre-requisite is expressed to allow practical usage amongst us sentient beings, who unlike ants, do not function under an overlord brain, but run on individual minds.

I have also pretty much some to terms with the fact that life will be quite unpredictable henceforth, should I choose to fervently pursue this end. It also makes me wonder whether in doing so, I am performing an act of free will, or whether I am merely acting out the play under the strings of fate.

This will be a lonely and demoralizing journey, considering I’m not even trying to walk through a tunnel, but digging one in a direction I have no certainty of seeing light. And even in the face of such adversity, I am probably insane enough to carry on.

If this is the root of my lifelong obsession, I see no reason to abort the mission. In fact, the total uncertainty that awaits is something to be enjoyed. Then again, should I, under the rarest of possibilities actually arrive at the destination, I would probably find the universe a cold place detached from meaning and purpose.

Perhaps, in the end, we all become the monster with no name, or the monkey that was man.