Transformation
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I know this is a double post within 24 hours, but I do feel the need to articulate these thoughts before they drift back into the ether.
Glad to have made the extra journey out in the night to meet an old friend I had not met in 6 months, the only person who truly shares my philosophical side. Sorry to this brother if I have misunderstood you back in April.
Apart from sharing little thoughts and ideas about business, entrepreneurship and development, the main crux of the take-home gift landed with a concrete realization that I had finally, fully made the shift from light to dark.
Ever since I entered the business world, I had always spent my personal space and time in conflict between the desire to make a name and the virtue to live without one (for those who do not understand, refer to my earlier post “The Monster without a Name”). I lamented over the fact that evil won the war a long time ago, and the world is now perpetuated by the evil lords and their minions. I refused to join the dark side, for as long as I could remember, and lived in constant danger of being trampled by them.
Recently, knowingly or not, I have made the choice to join them, and have since become somebody I would look at and despise in the past. I had the hunch this transition was in process, and rejected a possibly better relationship option than the most-blissful-days-of-my-life with my ex-wife. Today, during the family meeting, I realized I was the only one not shedding tears to the touching words and kindness of family, and over the conversation with my friend after midnight, it seems that I am no longer able to sympathize with the good.
In fact, perhaps good did not exist to begin with, and there was only evil. Then again, evil would not be evil, but nothing. The decision to create good stemmed from the decision to create god, a wisest decision by Solomon that ensured the teeming masses’ destiny to lift the elite few upon their shoulders. The good would see poverty as a virtue, and continually surround themselves with other poor people, so the rich and evil can continue to rule the world under the pretence of the good they have created.
I do think I am too good (in the sense of good and evil), for my own good, and this inner conflict have cost me more than I could ever keep count. Somehow, even if the transformation feels complete, I know somewhere inside me that little ounce of good is not removed, and for that I will probably pay another hefty price.
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SG Week
My one week return to Singapore has finally come to an end, and tomorrow I shall board the plane and head back to HK, where all the action is. I wonder if I have become a full-fledged workaholic, and that I can no longer relax and look at the simpler things in life.
This return trip, as with the previous, is jam-packed with a tone of meetings, mostly to regroup the resources for my little ventures and plans beyond my employment. While I still have faith in my bosses at HK, one cannot be faulted for laying some contingency plans. Admittedly, I have never been the kind to settle for a job and pension, and so my alternative route has to be something more than filling in my resume.
Thankfully, all plans seem to be smooth flowing up till this stage, and I should expect some tangible returns by the end of the year, even if it is from only one entity, it should be lucrative enough.
One surprise during this trip was catching up with the daughter of our maid (or rather, our maid ten years ago). I managed to squeeze a bit of time between an overseas video conference and the evening meetings to spend an hour or two touring the botanical gardens with our foreign friends. Some pictures taken –
Have bought all the chilli sauce and local seasonings needed to conjure up good enough meals for my dear friends, who all miss SG food so very badly. Await the return of the chef! Hahahaha!!!
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Sleepless in Macau
Sunday, June 22, 2008
A full week of hype and running around, thanks to the chain of ceremonies and activities lined up for our company’s major event, which concluded with a not-so-fun celebration, marking the end of the hectic month.
Throughout the event, I had the luxury of having one room to myself in Macau, but not the chance to really enjoy the room simply because there wasn’t any time to sleep. What a pity. Nevertheless, here are some pictures for keepsake.
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Frozen in Time
Monday, June 16, 2008
As I stumbled upon my little brother’s blog today, I found a little montage he did of us 3 brothers. I must say it is nice, and it touches me in a certain way. The simple innocence of the design and the comparison of our face from our kiddy days to that of us now simply makes me marvel at the change we have all gone through, or perhaps, “Transformation” is a more adequate description.
I think I look terribly dumb as a kid, and I am quite glad it did not carry forward till today, hahaha. Upon closer observation, one would realize the bliss innocence of childhood can no longer be found on our faces, as we grow into becoming part of the crewed up society we live in today. Nevertheless, that moment frozen in time, the photos, allow us to reflect on our actions and return to being our true selves once in a while.
Kudos to WW for the excellent work!
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Abyss or Light?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Down to the pits again… psychologically. It seems a pattern that I revisit this point every few months, following which a breakthrough comes along. This time round, however, it seems a little different. I have just had a breakthrough a few days ago, and now I am back in the pits, facing the despair of the truth; the stupid truth I continuously lament about but cannot find a solution to – Evil had won a long time ago.
In perpetuating this miserably insignificant existence, we cross the paths of other existences, only to find at the end of the day all stories conclude as one, and that beauty and filth meet at the end of the cycle. When I say the only occupation left is robbery, it is not so far from the truth, for all that exists has been owned, and for one person to be better off you inevitably plunge another person into shit.
While I admit to having juggernaut ambitions of power and wealth, I never once sought to hold on to these things, for one knows better than to cling on to that which is so fleeting. A previous small, now larger part of me simply longs to get this pursuit over and done with, and revert to the simple pleasures of life – family, friends and the great arts.
Fortunate or not, I have embarked on a path of no turning back. I truthfully am appreciative of where this path has led me, and quite honestly life had never been so comfortable and unpredictable at the same time. The lessons learnt will go a long way with me down the journey of life, even though somehow the inner me tells that the bonds of alliance are as good as cotton threads.
I have chosen the dirty, abyssal path to quick success and wealth, but a part of me wants to retain some good in what I am doing. As Scorpio-like as I may be, I realized over time I am actually less ruthless than perceived. I don’t really screw my enemy big time, and I forget being shortchanged almost instantly. Even amidst the political game of kings and pawns, I try my best to retain a human touch.
Everyone up there tells me to cast aside this face, and release the devil in me, so that I may stay on track. I sincerely hope I do not need to do so. What is the point of creating a monster when at the end of the day all it can do is destroy?
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Karaoke
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Yesterday I went for a decently satisfying karaoke session with 2 colleagues. Just 3 people makes the singing a lot less rowdy and a lot more fulfilling. Some crappy pictures with added effects, all in the name of good fun.
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Cooking!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
The first time after 5 months, we decided to cook something… it’s really quite oishi!
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Some Updates...
Just spent an hour cleaning up my apartment. It has always been a pleasure to clean up this 600 sqft of land, upon which I dwell with a friend of mine (who never fails to mess the place up, though he does clean it occasionally). Since this fella is now overseas, it is my chance to revert the apartment to inhabitable conditions.
It seems, however much I have learnt over the past months, what is tangibly realized is limited to almost nothing. I sometimes wonder if it is only my impatience, or is it the lumbering bureaucracy of giant organizations to limit moving of funds and resources in a desirable fashion.
Again, I have to thank the friends I have here for the emotional and intellectual support, from which I have drawn my energies to perform in these literally hopeless conditions. The “family” here has grown closer over time, and with the discovery that the apartment management is giving out free pots and pans, we have taken the liberty to cook everything we could, conjuring up decent home-cook meals from time to time.
I should be returning to Singapore sometime soon to do up my visa for entering China (the restrictions of the 2008 Olympics). The visa, however, seems as good as nothing, since it only facilitates single and double entry. Whatever the case, we will find a way. Worst case would be China staff coming over for meetings during the 2 months.
Plan B will roll of Plan A fails. It has always been t he case. I am working on it…
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Kitchen Cabinets
