I know this is a double post within 24 hours, but I do feel the need to articulate these thoughts before they drift back into the ether.

Glad to have made the extra journey out in the night to meet an old friend I had not met in 6 months, the only person who truly shares my philosophical side. Sorry to this brother if I have misunderstood you back in April.

Apart from sharing little thoughts and ideas about business, entrepreneurship and development, the main crux of the take-home gift landed with a concrete realization that I had finally, fully made the shift from light to dark.

Ever since I entered the business world, I had always spent my personal space and time in conflict between the desire to make a name and the virtue to live without one (for those who do not understand, refer to my earlier post “The Monster without a Name”). I lamented over the fact that evil won the war a long time ago, and the world is now perpetuated by the evil lords and their minions. I refused to join the dark side, for as long as I could remember, and lived in constant danger of being trampled by them.

Recently, knowingly or not, I have made the choice to join them, and have since become somebody I would look at and despise in the past. I had the hunch this transition was in process, and rejected a possibly better relationship option than the most-blissful-days-of-my-life with my ex-wife. Today, during the family meeting, I realized I was the only one not shedding tears to the touching words and kindness of family, and over the conversation with my friend after midnight, it seems that I am no longer able to sympathize with the good.

In fact, perhaps good did not exist to begin with, and there was only evil. Then again, evil would not be evil, but nothing. The decision to create good stemmed from the decision to create god, a wisest decision by Solomon that ensured the teeming masses’ destiny to lift the elite few upon their shoulders. The good would see poverty as a virtue, and continually surround themselves with other poor people, so the rich and evil can continue to rule the world under the pretence of the good they have created.

I do think I am too good (in the sense of good and evil), for my own good, and this inner conflict have cost me more than I could ever keep count. Somehow, even if the transformation feels complete, I know somewhere inside me that little ounce of good is not removed, and for that I will probably pay another hefty price.