Clubhouse Intruded!
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Damn. Our exclusive club-house has been intruded by COAL and his bunch of cock sucking lackeys. They hog the mess for the entire day to discuss about WORK!
What losers! The Club House is supossedly created for people to NOT talk about work and relax the body and mind, and here they are doing exactly the opposite. For heavens sake go back to your miserable meeting rooms, the organisation has created really nice meeting rooms these days, rooms that are so well decorated it magnifies the formlity, so people are too afriad to speak and the meeting ends quickly. Anyway even if they were to speak it would be all rubbish.
Worst still, there's supposed to be happy hour after the bloody discussion, but they are so uptight about showing their bosses their "CONCERN" over the organisations wellbeing they discuss more work, till 10pm.
I pity their wives. They probably have to discuss work with their wives even when they are supposed to fuck.
Losers...
***
Post-Dengue
Ahhh... I'm finally back on blogsphere after a 2 week break, proudly sponsored by some random mosquito who decided to put me on Dengue-Mode for 10 days.
Dengue sucks... You burn till you start hallucinating, can't eat anything (cos everything is not just tasteless, but the tastes are horribly distorted, chicken and grass tastes like opposites). Good thing though - you can't smoke, cos cigarettes taste uncannily similar to chicken rice, ugh!
I am already very skinny (those who know me would agree), and I lost 7 freakin kgs!!! For those who need slimming, pls get bitten, it works better than marie-france bodyline.
Gotta start gym work all over again :(
***
Hilarious Morning
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Yesterday was a hilarious day!
I was called into my boss' room for a discussion on some upcoming events. Halfway thru, his wife called, and for about the next 10 minutes my boss' poor handphone was showered with a massive salive storm... and the conversation, i figured, went something like that:
Boss: (presumably to the wife) Yes what's the matter? I'm in the middle of a discussion.
Wife: Ah Girl refuses to wake up to go for tuition.
Boss: (calmly) Tell her if she doesn't go she will get it from me when I come home tonight.
Wife: Wait ah... (attempts to convey the message to the daughter whom I believe is still fervertly maintaining her stand on not going for tuition).
Wife: (exasperated) She still doesn't want to go!
Boss: (Getting impatient, and raising his voice a little) Tell her to come to the phone!
Wife: But...
Boss: (exploded) TELL HER TO COME TO THE PHONE NOW!!!
I imagine the thunderous imperial command echoing through the phone and eventually awakening miss sleeping beauty from her mid-morning slumber.
Daughter: Pa I don't want to go for tuition. It's a waste of time!
Boss: If you don't go for tuition I AM GOING TO CANE YOU!!! GO NOW OR YOU WILL GET IT FROM ME TONIGHT!!!
Boss hangs up the phone, rubs on his moustache and resumes the discussion calmly...
As silence sank in again, the clerks outside the room were all left befuddled... "Why does MAJ XXX want to cane LTA Myself???" (I try hard to contain the ripple of laughter I was about to let out).
Then, this other guy, some old guy in the office who is always very blur and rather incompetent in his work, and who was supposed to be on leave, popped his head into the room and sheepishly went... (This guy shall be known henceforth as Mr Blur)
Mr Blur: (smiles stupidly) Sir... you didn't approve my leave application...
Boss: (Still overcoming the inner trauma of why his daughter refuses to go for tuition) You applied for leave to go to AFGANISTAN!!! How do you want me to approve that?
At this point, pls let me explain the joke. In the Armed Forces our leave application has a column whereby you fill in the country of residence during your leave period, which, by default, is set as Afganistan, since ity starts with A and thus is the first country option on the list.
Mr Blur: (scratches his head innocently) Afganistan?
At this point, I burst out laughing... I almost fell off the chair... hahahahahaha!!!
***
If It Makes You Feel Better, But Remember....
Monday, September 05, 2005
Yes. If taking me as the scapegoat and source of all fault shall make you better, you shall have it your way. But remember this day, for even if you don't, I shall, and this day marks the backward count of the fleeting days of your ignorant existence, as I slowly submerge my soul the process of your purge.
You alone have awoken the devil in me, but rest assured, you alone is hardly enough to bear the wrath for which it shall unleash. It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, nor even for the next ten years to come, but surely, this vengeance shall be answered. I shall take it a step at a time, to have you realise the excruciating mental trauma of living for eternity, by destroying everything that you stand for, and everything that stands for you... but not you, oh no, you shall live to bear witness to the masterpiece you have requested from me.
And when everything is over and that I am sure of your complete mental demolition, you shall be dipped into a pool of cement, and slowly watch it harden around your filthy body. Beneath the pool I shall place a small cylinder of maggots, with the container's mouth tapered to the level of your feet. Then I shall heat up the cylinder...
What do you think happens when the heat reaches the maggots? They will undoubtedly crawl upwards, but then again, since your feet are in the way, and the cement is far to hard for them to digest, they will burrow their way through YOU. I hereby honour you with a symbolic death, to be devoured, inch by inch, by that which you have so conveniently stepped on.
From this day forth, you may start praying to the gods which you have till now scorned, and hope for a dose of their forgiveness, for from me you shall find none.
***
Alzheimerish
Sunday, September 04, 2005
I am losing my memory! Can't be that age is catching up with me right? I'm not even 22!
Just the other day I walked into my office, and I saw my boss sitting at the office table, but I totally cannot remember, at the point in time, that he was my boss. In fact I totally had no idea who was he. I just stood befuddled and stared at him for a good couple of minutes before finally coming to the majestic conclusion that - He is my boss.
And today, I woke up and found my surroundings rather strange. I kept asking myself where the hell was I, and of course, I WAS AT HOME!
This was really freaking me out a little, so I decided it would be best to just hibernate and perhaps a rejuvenated mind would help keep the memory at pace (maybe the mind is just temporarily out of RAM, hahaha).
Let's hope this is all just temporary... ugh...
***
Alchohol Aftermath
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Boy have I been drinking way too much... Since last friday's 3 jugs, the past 10 days was a row of drinking and drinking, Mess Happy Hours (where you see the big boys get drunk and start spouting nonsense) to Devils Bar and similar(where everybody is having foreplay at the dance floor).
I find myself almost too tired to start any day afresh, not as if my constant exercise schedule helps at all. By mid-day I am dragging my feet, and even it opportunity knocks I am left to too little "mana" to engage the target.
Should just take a week off and fly to some oasis for a retreat... but of course, that would not be possible, not with the current work load, where even one DAY off is luxury to relish.
***
CHINA_bleak....
Yesterday some of my colleagues were proposing to crash on SMU's bash at ChinaBlack, and being my obliging self I thought there was no harm, since the company was not too bad and the "fun-factor" was to witness the Clubbin-Inauguration for some guy whose office nickname and general demeanour bears close resemblence to a certain pokemon type.
We arrived at approximately 930pm, only to see the queue streched to a awesome 100 metres ++. Not to mention the width of about 4 pax per 1/2 metre, that makes a total waiting crowd of 800, half of which stinks of raging hormones. Anyways we joined the queue of sex crazed ginas (hokkien for kids).
We Queued..... 10pm
We Queued..... 11pm
We Queued..... 1130pm
The queue never really moved.... So we thought it would be nice to try Devils Bar, which was a 200 metre walk down the road. However, the really problem here was not walking but trying to smuggle the underaged pokemon lookalike friend in. So we tasked the biggest and most intimidating of the group to escort the pokemon in.
We Waited...... 1145pm
We Waitied...... 12am... no news.
Then I called Mr. Big-and-Intimidating, and he told me he drove there... for heaven's sake! who drives from ChinaBlack to Devil's Bar!!!! And worst still, he let the pokemon try to get entrance ALONE!!!
Fortunately though, Pokemon got his entrance, and we left the bleak possibilities presented at the unholy gates of ChinaBlack and porceeded to devils. Just as we left, the queue started to move... sigh.
The rest of the night was havoc at devils, with 1 vodka, 2 waterfalls and a bottle of HL mixed with green tea (I love green tea but alchoholic green tea just ruins both drinks, dont ever try it!).
***
Kitchen Cabinets
