This week has been totally eventful, due to the truth that it has actually been quite uneventful. Like the majority of city-folk, I am totally vulnerable to boredom. I couldn’t stand a second of inaction (well at least I have to be thinking about something, even if I’m not moving), a personality trait which has led to both my greatest successes and failures.

Browsing books at Kino today churned out a few interesting findings. I shall not state the work-related ones here, since they involve a crucial and confidential project. Reading a book about personality and destiny, I found, perhaps, the answer to my so-far rather screwed up life.

I have been seeking the “answer” everywhere (the answer to “our purpose of existence”); science, spirituality, philosophy, history, literature, music, art, society, politics, economics, etc. Obviously, I have not found the answer, and today, I finally realized that perhaps I never will, because the question asked was wrong.

The question should be: MY purpose of existence!

Aha! Finally got this stupid thought aligned. One will never be able to justify everybody’s purpose, and one need not in the first place. Slaves who think they are free have their purpose justified, while masters who brood over unfounded misery is destined to live blind. I have been blind, and perhaps even asleep, for a long time. It’s damn time to wake the hell up.

I should also put a temporary stop to my crazy alcohol consumption. For the past 2 months, if I take an average, I consumed at least 2 jugs of beer per day (which is really damaging and I’m finally starting to feel it). This does not include the irregular sleep hours due to year end business influx.

I have made an agreement with a friend that we shall both abstain from this vice for a month, and engage in some other, healthy form of pleasure – like exercise. Sex is exercise so I need not deprive myself of this primal need, haha.

Speaking of which, I’m finding it really hard to juggle between the many options. Perhaps when the oracle spoke of my past life as some Mongolian general, it was not too wrong. I can’t seem to be happy with one, nor three, nor eleven. I always want more, the ever-perpetuating greed that will probably drive me to my grave one day.

To make things worse, I have met another old flame, and have been seeing her over the past 3 days. The confrontation between current and previous today was really quite scary. All I could do was sit and be quiet.

In this aspect, perhaps I really have no morals. I am more like an animal. I don’t mind my women having other men, and I hope they don’t mind me. Then again, in this entire scenario, perhaps it is only me who will think this way.