As much as I have read and preached to others in so many “wise” statements, it seems I have hardly internalised any of them. I loved to literally insult my father, both behind and in the face, about how he reads only the newspapers and believes that is where all the knowledge in the world lies, totally forgetting about the governing force behind all that knowledge – Wisdom. In turn, I read all the books, and have internalised none of the teachings. How terrible is that?

I had the chance to read in detail some of my little brother’s blog posts (or maybe I had the patience and energy to squint at the very small text with which he typed). Either ways, his messages, though embedded in a row of un-punctuated broken English, holds more wisdom than the verbal bravado I have borne with me in and out.

Perhaps while I have learnt the ruthless methods of survival and the almost calculative process of thinking, I have not learnt how to love. My life revolved around numbers (as one of my close friends mentioned), seeing everything as a resource, seeing everybody as digits, to be used for the sole purpose of self gratification and progress. Humanity presents itself coldly as a ladder through my eyes, where everyone you pass becomes a rung to support and uplift your status and achievement.

The truth is, not only have I not learnt how to love, I’m probably equally inept in the faculty of appreciation and sincerity. Pointing fingers here would be easy, but surely not helpful. I could blame my folks, blame the environment, blame all else. But as the saying goes, only be taking responsibility will we empower ourselves to make a change in the situation.

As much as I have always been the critique, labelling my little brother’s achievements as nothing more than pitiful, I must admit, that he has the one thing not many are able to attain; A Big Heart. I vividly recall the numerous incidents when he unflinchingly empties his piggy bank (he is still a little kid then), to buy presents for the rest of the family during festives. Honestly, how many people are able to just happily give their wealth away like that? For starters, I can’t.

The point I’m trying to drive (into my own head), is that life is not so much about capability. It is about experience, and to fully immerse into each situation and leave with wholesome reminiscence requires one to not just be able execute, but to execute and learn.

If life is like a trip down a river, our body and the resources we gather is the raft. The skills and proficiencies we pick up are the oars. Such things will get us to the end of the river, to the sea, and that’s it! If the eyes are the windows to one’s heart, then only by opening our eyes first can we open our hearts, and thus learn to appreciate, and love.

It is true, that life is pretty much a pointless journey, if we see it purely from the perspective of “eating to work and working to eat”. But if that’s how it was pre-arranged, the least we could do is open our eyes and heart to appreciate, love and enjoy every moment.

And so, to start off this personal endeavour for change, I feel truly, for the first time, that it is not at all humiliating to learn such wisdom from my little brother.