A bunch of humour I found at some forum, hahaha!

"I love the lines men use to get us into bed. 'Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I? A Microwave!?"- Beverly Mickins (American Comedienne)

"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies."- Adrienne Gusoff

"SETI has yet to find signs of intelligence in the Universe." - G W Bush Jr

"The useless piece of flesh at the end of the penis is called a man"- Jo Brand

"Beer is living proof that god wants us to be happy."- Benjamin Franklin

"If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any."- Groucho Marx

"Do not use, except for fire"- SAF Camp fire hydrants

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease"- Anon

"Reality is for people who can't face drugs."- Laurence Peter

"One does not bring a suasage roll to a banquet."- Winston Churchill on his wife's absence at a banquet

"Never mind, the dead bird does not leave the nest." - Winston Churchill on his undone fly during a parliament session

"I have overcome my willpower and started smoking again"- Mark Twain

"Only two things are infinite - space and human stupidity. I am not sure of the former"- Albert Einstein

"I went to a restuarant that serves "breakfast at anytime", so I ordered the French Toast during the Renaissance"- Steven Wright

"I never drink water, look at the way it rusts pipes!"- WC Fields

"A battleship is called 'she' because it costs as much in paint and powder to maintain it"- Nimitz