It’s been a while since my last post, due to my increasing job requirements and the fact that I have been down with a fever, flu and cough for the past 4 days. This illness-break seems to have put a halt to my frenzied chase of the big plans.

It is not as if things really jerk to a stop, but being forced to take a step back gives one the chance to review the entire situation and perhaps reorganize the way resources were distributed. I realized there were still many resources and contacts left on the shelf, and that perhaps it was a good time to start getting them to move.

A cash-cow engine remains the top priority, for such is the thing needed to propel the rest of the slower ROI entities / those which require heavy R&D. I am spinning my top three ways to get this stupid cash cow up, but it seems like no matter what I have to wait till next year. Isn’t there a faster way, or am I still too impatient?

I may not have begged life hard enough, but surely my almost decade-long wait for D-Day should come to an end, either that or the thing that would come to an end would be my sanity, hahaha. Don’t worry, I am not that weak, and anyways the time is not up yet. I need to wait till November, or any effort to break the digit limit will land me back at square 1.

Maybe I should just take this time to relax. No matter what, my job doesn’t even take up 10% of my capacity, although it does take up quite a lot of time.

Damn! The exhilaration of things moving at my kind of speed is simply quite the moment to relish. Finally, I have found a way to work which suits me best, and at the same time not drag others into the sand and dust.

Of course, nothing concrete has been achieved yet, but things have come a long way since a couple of months ago, when I still had to brood over a loss of direction due to some twit. Perhaps it is thanks to that one twit that made me, in the fit of rage, build a plan that has become what it is today. As I continue my job here being the single organism with a brain, I shall wait patiently for my humble little outside plan to unfold into its full grandeur.

There is still a lot to learn, and while I believe I have learned a good lot, I myself know best this is hardly enough as yet. I’ll hang around for as long as I need to. Make use of me all you want, but remember to give me back something, or be sure I will take what I duly deserve when the time comes.

As I type this post, I must say I am terribly disappointed with the way this has turned out, and even more so with the one person who made it so. If that one person is reading this, you have 2 options:

1) Get pissed, as most people do, and continue the way you are. That is, if you are truly comfortable with living a life backed only by those who came before you.

2) Wake up, and start by setting priorities in your own life. Stop saying yes to everything when in the end you cannot meet the delivery of a single promise you make. Start by building some credibility, MAKE YOUR WORDS COUNT!

Sigh, am I expecting too much from people who are inherently weak? I look back at my actions in the past week and I realize I am sinking into the same pattern which brought me nothing but pain and trouble in the past; taking pity on the weak and trying to help them become something they will never become.

Over a discussion with a friend today, we covered a bit on the topic of Dharma. What is dharma? It is your place, your role and your path to walk in society, or in whichever social realm you reside in. People who are unclear of what their dharma is sinks into an endless cycle of getting lost, whining about it, and getting lost again. This also explains why most people lead screwed up lives – they are never very sure of what they are supposed to do, thus they end up screwing their own lives, and putting the blame on others for not giving them a direction.

Maybe what my boss said was right, I should really not be mixing around with those who, on one look, will go nowhere in life. Maybe there is no in between, and trying to retain a friendship with someone who will obviously slow you down, and at the same time trying to move forward in life is only going to make things ten times tougher.

Either ways, I have decided I have no time for people who refuse to help themselves. I am not here to make people happy, or to make friends (although I will do so without infringing on my basic bandwidth). I am here to make money, and lots of it so I can quickly get my first task in life over and done with.

At the end of the day, it is the things we get done that counts. With this thought in mind, I shall say:

To people who sincerely want to make it, get on the boat, and enjoy a ride you will never forget.

To people who don’t want to make it, ignore us, you are better off with the fishes.

To people who are all-talk-no-action, get off the boat, you are a burden to the team. We will all be better off without having to carry extra baggage.

I think a lot has happened since my last post. I have been running on full steam for approximately 5 weeks, both for work and other things, and thanks for the upcoming leave on Monday, or I may just burn out (disintegrate from within due to the engines running for too long).

During the last month, I have revisited a publication I read about 4 years ago. Indeed, re-reading a book after a few years of gathering new experiences puts a lot of things in greater clarity. Alternative perspectives may also unfold and thus allow you to see the flip side of many situations. I thank the company of a newfound friend and confidante, who have shared many nights worth of psychological support and whose advice / comments have sparked off my personal progress in leaps and bounds.

The last month was one full of unpredictables, at least within my current job. I have had a few colleagues leave the company, a change of bosses for me and a total shift in my job scope. I’m not complaining for the new situation makes better use of my skill sets, and puts me in a position to contribute more than I ever could in the past.

This situation has however affected a friend of mine quite badly, and seeing her take on my previous role without half an ounce of knowledge on what to do really makes me feel guilty. Hopefully I can try to let her benefit from my new role, at least intellectually by involving her in the discussions and lessons.

It seems that the oracle was right, and I am cursed to facing problems with the opposite gender all the time. Even if I need not conform to social norms, I find myself lost in answering to the many girls out there who have offered me more than I can ever return. I know for a fact the one that represents most of me is still my ex-wife, but the rest are simply too nice for me to hurt. Then again, this is probably just another stage in life for me to overcome.

The coming months may be a final test of my capability and endurance, a final exam before I pass from my ten-years-of-shit journey. I believe I will be, and am currently tested on the following topics, all at one go…

- Organizational Management
- Strategy and Plotting
- Creative Skills and Direction
- Sales and Marketing
- Relationships and Love
- Friendship and Loyalty
- Inner Wisdom and Peace
- Observation and Intuition
- Building MNCs

Oh oh oh… this is both fun and torturous. But then, let’s bring back the old me from Adventure Renaissance (My AR Team). My nick then was “Sheer Insanity”. Do you know why? Because I THRIVE ON PAIN!