Back to Nature
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Took a break from the modern city life, to retreat into the mountains, back to the embrace of Mother Nature, back to where one’s heart feels most at ease. The sun, wind, water rain and mist, that which envelopes you, making you feel part of this world, that you are never lost, nor alone.
Nothing much to say, the scenery and air is good is guess…
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Goodbye my Wife
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The dream has finally come to an end, in a rather abrupt fashion. Yesterday I woke up for the last time from my bed in Zhuhai, putting an end to the dreamy, homely life I have led for the past 3 months. Admittedly, it was a losing deal from the start (if I were to view it as a deal). Most of my friends objected to the arrangement, and even I know for sure I could get a better deal elsewhere. Nevertheless, I persisted.
Looking back at the past 3 months, it was probably the happiest time of my life. Other than a small misunderstanding while I was in Malaysia, there could not have been a sweeter experience. I have never wanted to spend my emotional life with a capable or lavishly attractive sort. A simple, homely life was that which I longed for, and got in full for the past 3 months.
If not for the recent quarrel, which finally made me realize the fact that this relationship would end up nowhere, I may just continue to drown myself in this mirage of paradise. As much as we may love each other, we live in a practical world where unconditional love is found only in stories and dramas. The concerns of reality and other equally important obligations have finally led to this.
I actually marvel at the fact that, for the first time in my life, I am actually more worried for the other party after the breakup. For starters, our income levels are worlds apart, and she would probably never attain my income standards in her entire life, neither would she even make anything close to the allowance I give her every month. To make things worse, she does not have a wide circle of friends, nor wise enough friends to give her advice and aid in such situations. Materially, my life would only get better, and hers would only get worse.
On my part, perhaps the only thing that would pain me is the endless memories we share. Unlike normal dating, we literally lived together for 3 months, eating, sleeping, going out, doing household chores, cooking, etc; everything a married couple would do. The memories we share continue to follow me wherever I go. My wardrobe still contains the clothes and scarf she bought / made for me. My PC still holds the albums of pictures we took, remnants of the memories we shared. It is as if we were forced apart by circumstance when everything was still good.
In any case, there would be no reason for me to see her again. I can only wish for her to find a better person in future, who could provide for her more than I could, and that she would find happiness in that.
To the wife whom I once held so close, take care of yourself and move on in life. My capability may not be enough to hold our love together, but this is not the end. You will find, if only you are willing to look beyond me, that life is still beautiful. Regardless of what others may say, you have been a great wife to me, and I may never find another like you. You will always stay in my heart as a part of me, till the day I die.
***
Questions...
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Amidst the frenzied pursuit of fame and fortune, the more silent moments of the night sees me in deep thought, over the more fundamental reasons of our existence and efforts. Today has been a rather slow day, with the fulfillment of simple operational requirements and routine meetings with representatives of the involved entities.
With the hurricane 150 kilometres off our shores, the heavy downpour kept us in the apartment most of the time, with the exception of going out for dinner and buying a vacuum cleaner (which my roommate insisted on since he was so engrossed in spring cleaning today, mostly to past time).
Looking back at life over the past years, it seems as if a lot has changed, yet at the same time nothing has really changed. I have acquired knowledge, experience, and the connections and networks to implement more than I ever could. The recent choice to discard the option of my lone journey has proved worthwhile, and in exchange of the lessons and exposure, I trade the freedom I enjoyed in the past.
I have found love too, in a fashion I never quite expected, and over the months I have slowly learnt to manage a relationship (one that seems more like marriage than dating). With a wife and home, I learnt to budget expenses, fix home appliances, cook proper homemade dishes, clean the house, and buy home-use equipment and groceries. Of course, I have done this before, but not with the intent of keeping a family unit intact. It is but my first try, pardon me for any incompetence.
While it seems to most that all is going well for me (comparative to most peers; I have a great career / business path, expatriate treatment and benefits, an attractive and homely wife, nice and comfortable accommodation, etc) The heart feels empty and the shoulders feel tired. Somehow, I yearn for the very traditional kind of safety net I never had in my life – Family.
To make up for that, higher forces have arranged for me to have a small but very dependable and trustworthy group of friends, whom I have turned to in times of trouble, and have helped me time and again. It is not so different here. However, as close as friends may be, they do not replace the importance of a family. This is perhaps why I am placing a good deal of focus in fixing a family of my own, and trying to be the good husband my wife could fall back on.
But perhaps, I am still weak, and there are times when I would need a place to simply lay and rest. I would probably not need any tangible form of help, but more of the intangible, psychological and emotional support. Having been exposed to a good deal since young, I have, sadly or not, matured beyond my own age and the age of most others. I find myself constantly in the situation of solving other people’s problems, with no one to solve mine.
For tonight, I just need enlightenment on one question: Is it better to own everything you have, or to have everything you own?
***
Lessons and Change
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I realize I am getting less and less sleep as the days go by. Perhaps it is the hyper activeness of the brain, acquired over time as I immerse myself in this environment where not one moment is the mind allowed to rest.
If discipline is not practiced habitually here, consequences could be fatal. I have learnt, at the very least:
· Think before you speak, every word counts.
· Spend your time wisely, entertain those who add value, don’t waste too much time on idiots. We only have so much time in our lives.
· Never let them know you, but spend enough time knowing them.
· Not all weak people are hopeless; some of them make good alliances if groomed properly.
· Discard all rules. Bullets don’t fly straight.
· The objective is all that matters, the means are no matter. Of course, do take into consideration your own conscience.
On a lighter note, I seem to have acquired this habit from my peers here. I no longer have the patience with people who cannot get to the point, or those who cannot present anything more than a puny proposal. Then again, perhaps I do not have the luxury of patience.
***
Grandfather's Birthday
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Today is my second time in 3 months visiting my grandfather, who lives in HK but I need to cross 2 mountain ranges to reach. Normal cab fare there would be approximately HKD 450, a one hour trip, so visiting during this crazily busy period seems a rather tedious task.
Nevertheless, today was his 71st birthday, and relatives from Singapore and HK gathered, so I guess missing this one would be a bit too unacceptable. Good to catch up with my grand-aunts and all. Finally, I get to meet my “little grandmother”, my grandfather’s third wife who is only slightly older than me. There were also my aunts, who are really just a few years older, and they kept insisting I call them by name.
Of course, there was this cousin, 2 years old. My my, I find it quite hard to imagine the age gap versus generation gap. 2 hours of intensive Cantonese conversation seemed to have helped quite a bit in picking up this dialect.
In the end, despite the long journey, it was truly worthwhile to find that in such a remote place where the only thing on my mind was work and business, there are at least family members around.
***
Adventure
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I am not tired. I simply cannot find the lack of energy to put my weary body to sleep. If my life was a roller coaster ride for the past 10 years, magnified tenfold over the span of last year, it seems to have finally come to an end over the past month.
While the future seems more predictable and controllable, the rate of daily change has not ceased. The only difference is that everyday something good happens (not to say negative elements don’t appear, but they just don’t seem very important or impactful anymore). Perhaps it is the change in situation, perhaps I can attribute it to my personal growth over the past 3 months. Regardless, I am thoroughly enjoying this adventure.
Of course, I have not taken the future for granted, and I can only be assured the challenges ahead will only be greater. At this juncture, one of the key considerations on my mind is actually how to help the allies I have back in Singapore.
Being entreched in a society where nothing is for real, and where the government cooks up contorted stories of entrepreneurship and enterprise, it is inevitable that the obscured view churns a mass of frogs in wells. What is deemed as talent and capability there comes with a crazy price tag, and for the same kind of manpower, we can get them at one tenth the price here.
While Singapore claims to be promoting the spirit of enterprise, its barriers to entrepreneurship, beyond the administrative aspects, are huge, almost insurmountable to most. The attrition rate of registered businesses remain at the 90% high, with the remaining 10% struggling to get past their third year.
In the 4 categories of markets, Singapore sports only 2 – Monopolies and Perfect Competitions. Monopolies owned by government bodies and elites, and Perfect Competition grounds open to the masses who wish to forge a ricebowl beyond the conventional payroll – Retail or project based incomes.
The daily papers continue to report new business ideas, and very viable ones. The only problem is the reception of these ideas at the end of consumers, who don’t have enough to spend, and don’t come with enough volume (4 million with sky high credit card debts isn’t going to pull off new startups).
In the next year, while laying my foundations here, I shall place considerable focus in bringing my Singaporean counterparts to these regions for a good ride. Of course, their own mental preparation and proficiency continues to remain their own perogative.
For those who wish to reach out to these parts, I will have the platform in due time, in almost any line possible. Just make sure you have a sound revenue model. This is not an arena where you speaking of empty dreams and passion. This is a live cutthroat scenario where only the strong will survive.
***
129
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
It’s been a rather hectic day today. Good to have the budgets finally approved so actual acquisition of staff and inventory can finally take place. The coming month will be great fun, and of course, a great time for the first harvest!
Ryan Goh from Rooks has visited this site again. True to his promise that he is not done, he continues to use MY BLOG to attempt to defame me, obviously not to much success, as he is probably the only one reading this blog (other than a few personal friends).
He even started blogging a while ago, writing for himself (and perhaps me) to read, compiling a list of “evidence” he claims and a tribunal order he mistook for a court order. Probably with the understanding that nobody reads his compilations, he attempted to use my c-box and comments pages to re-route web traffic to his blog. Poor soul.
He once again rejected my offered amount, as it seems to me, he may be 30 years of age but what resides in his thick skull does not seem to have grown from 27 years ago. He chose to wage war against me, and having lost the majority of battles, decided to call for peace. In all paths of history, I have yet to see such a thick-skinned person. If you want war, fight it to the end. If you are not sure you can win, don’t be so quick to make enemies.
I believe enough liberty has been given to this clown to vandalise my little online dairy. As such, I have decided to put an end to this battle on my territory. I am sure he will continue to post on his own blog, but I leave it to him to garner his own audience (instead of stealing mine).
My very last and sincere advice to Ryan, don’t try to piss me off further. I may be too busy to attend to your childish gimmicks now, but should I find enough time one day, pray hard I have forgotten about you. For if I don’t, I may actually try to find entertainment in dismantling you for good (of course, in a fully legal fashion). As some of my friends here say, you don’t even know what you are messing with.
***
Forward!
Monday, April 07, 2008
A friend asked me, “Where would we be at the end of the year?” I claimed not to know. But of course, both of us knew it was only a matter of time before our wings spread to bring us to heights we only dreamt of.
The flurry of developments and opportunities have taken me to places far beyond the expectations a mundane mind could conceive. Almost on a daily basis, I am visiting new places, meeting new people and traveling across countries. My passport has been stamped countless times in the past months, and if this continues, I may need a new one real soon.
Relationships and friendships have also matured over time, bringing forth greater understanding and concern mutually, definitely a healthy course to take for the forging of lasting ties.
If there is one decision I will never live to regret, it is that which brought me to this place and time.
***
Giant Growth (+3/+3)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I will not be able to sleep well for the next few days, for very good and desirable reasons of course. It seems like the energy and synergy of the past is returning, as old allies return to rejoin the battle yet to be completed.
Opportunities spring forth, clouding one’s vision, so that only those clear at heart can make it through this jagged maze of illusions. Many will be lost along the way, and more shall fall prey to the temptations laid behind each bend. I pray to be able to hold on to my own truth in this game where there are none.
Finally the stage is set. In the past 4 years of seeming slumber, I have never once forgotten the need to accomplish the unfinished. The time has come, my friends, and we shall take from the world what is long overdue. Hang on, my brothers, for beyond this sand dune you shall find the oasis to quench your thirst.
To those who have once chosen to raise their swords against me, or have knowingly taken advantage of my more honest state while I was in slumber, I do not seek revenge, not because you do not deserve it, but for the simple fact that it is not worth my time. Old and trusty allies shall find renewed strength and resources, generously shared. Old foes shall vanish into the shade of the past.
The mental transition is complete, so it leaves the gradually, but surely astounding growth of the physique. Where will I be at the end of this year? I can’t tell exactly. I only know it will definitely be somewhere nice.
***
I Love Translations
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
This country never fails to provide me with an endless source of entertainment...
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Kitchen Cabinets
