The whole place had a very zen feel, and here I did not have a wife, but a woman (like those Japanese warriors in the past, who used to patron brothels and have a fixed girl tagged to them), except that this time the woman had to come over.

There isn’t anything particularly interesting about this episode, but the architecture of my “house” was so unique I had to draw it out. Maybe this will be the design for my hours next time.

Apart from all the above, I actually dreamt inside my dream. That however, is too complicated to illustrate here. I slept for about 12 hours in total, maybe more. This is truly an experience of a lifetime.

I don’t even know why I’m writing here anymore. Life has sunk to an all new low, so low into the pits that light is now a greek term. Perhaps I have lived all too intensely for the past 2 months, basically living and having it all – Money, wine, women, achievement, friends and foes.

Having too much makes one sick, and it applies to everything. Having everything at one time has one major drawback; you get sick of them all at one time! Now I’ve come to the point where I pretty much can’t get excited over anything. Good food, good women, good movies, good music, good deals… they all don’t matter anymore. They don’t even seem to mean a thing.

And then after these myriad thoughts, it will all come down to the same damn question; “why am I still alive?” What is there left to do. Over the past months, I have also realized we human beings seem to have to constantly keep ourselves busy, busy with something, anything at all so as to allow ourselves to forget the very fact that existence is pointless or that its point from start till end was just that.

I for one, cannot quite agree to this blatant truth of no-meaning, and have fought for as long as I could remember, to dispel this truth. Perhaps I have failed. Perhaps like all the predecessors, I am but another fool trying to delude myself into believing the rosy veil of meaning and purpose.

I have also realized, while a minor few may be true friends, the majority are really there just to rip a piece of you for their own ravenous diets. There is no such thing as “enough” in the making of human beings. We desire for more, and with each ounce we gain, we do so by ripping if off the flesh of a counterpart. Most “friends”, when push comes to shove, will desert you; even betray you to protect their own ass. I have learnt that the hard way, that each stranger out there is not a friend we have not met, but an enemy we have not defeated.

Imagine a mountain made of heaps of corpses, ladders with human-rungs. That is society it is raw, naked form. Kill or be killed, be the slave that exists only to lift the distinguished few, or distinguish oneself by stepping over the corpses of the million others who may be happy being slaves.

Either ways, life is a cycle of eating and shitting. Eat those who ask to be eaten, and pass shit on those who seek to eat you.